Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Stop the world, please...? And rewind?

The public house (Pub) operated since 1927 in Ireland by my father's cousin's family, seems to be gone. I can find no trace of the family I lost touch with... I sent email, but it came back returned. As of 1 year ago, the darts match results were still being posted there according to the newspaper... They are still listed in an online tourism guide, but that was last copyrighted in 2003! How can I have let so much time slip by without contacting them? I am just one of many American cousins who have likely visited them over the years with my now ailing Father and otherwise... But they are rare and special to me. So kind and warm and generous... I thought there would be time, that they would remain, be there...

The "Land Owner's House" where we stayed is no longer operating either-- has become a private residence...

I am so completely crushed, flattened, bereft...

Never a more magical time to me than that trip, and nothing so miraculous than the time spent there, on the seaside, stepping briefly, welcomed, into the life of that family, that town...

I am so ashamed of all the times I planned to write, to send a tin of Christmas treats, to return, to visit... and did not.

Too many things to grieve right now, things lost, and things soon to be lost...

How can one heart be so full and yet so empty, sinking and yet floating... soaring above the things I grasp for, to say goodbye, and yet pull them back to me once more.


  1. I know the feeling of time slipping away. What was I thinking? That I had all of the time in the world to reach out? I am sorry your heart is heavy today...

  2. Thank you, Puanani,

    I appreciate your understanding comments... :) My heart has been heavy lately.

    However, I have decided not to give up! Maybe some well placed phone calls will shed some light. And if I know the Irish even a little, they are kindly accomodating and understanding of wacky Americans and their American cousins reaching out, perfect stranger or no.

    Wish me luck!

  3. Circe,

    I’m sorry to hear about your father. I’ll be keeping you two in my thoughts.

    Lost family connections are terribly difficult to bear, I know this all too well, and my heart feels very deeply for what you’re going through. Life can be over-whelming enough with all that we‘re already dealing with, but to feel the lost connection of kin can make things even more dark. I think we Irish may have an especially hard time with this. We’re so connected with the homeland, our ancestors, our kin - in an almost mystical way, it seems.

    I think that some phone calls are a wonderful idea. You never know who might be able to help or lead you to someone who can. I will be keeping positive thoughts that you and your kin will be reunited.

    By the way, I notice you mention Co. Waterford. We came from the Clare area - scattered all around the north-west area of Munster, actually. So, we’re practically Irish neighbors. :-)


  4. Dear Amanda,

    Thank you so much for your kind words and perspective... it means so much to me! I didn't realize you were Irish-- I too find a mystical connection, as do my sisters, a spiritual missing of "home" in a way...

    I have news-- GOOD NEWS...

    I will post again soon! Thank you, Amanda and everyone who empathized... I think some cosmic things have been energized and aligned... :)

  5. How did I miss this post?

    So sorry to hear. Though I spied what seems hopeful news above which I'm off to read...


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